Thank Hugh

Dear SNL,

How do you make the hilarious Hugh Laurie not funny?

Sadly,
Laura

P.S. To see Hugh in all his comedy glory, please watch any episode of Jeeves & Wooster or most any episode of A Bit of Fry and Laurie. Try this one:

Omg.

I just unwittingly ate octopus. And, it was DELICIOUS. weird.

Update: Octopus has come up a lot lately. Another great octopus: the one painted on the wall at the party in the beginning of classic movie Beat Street.

Vocabulary Lesson

So amazing. Real word:

palinode

PRONUNCIATION:

(PAL-uh-noad)

MEANING:

noun: A poem in which the author retracts something said in an earlier poem.

Also,

14.71% of visitors to this blog this month searched for etrog vodka. How timely.
5.88% for "susan harris" ucla.

Trouble is My Business

If you don't actually know me, you may not know that I am obsessed with all things Raymond Chandler. And, as such, I have started a blog that I actually update with quotations by Chandler and pictures by me. It's basically a photo blog with captions, or a quotation blog with illustrations. Either way, you should check it out.

Also, on this blog, see the incredibly growing sidebar list of books I read this year--go me!--and how Chandleriffic it is.

The real inspiration for this announcement is ErGo's "Metaphorplay" post. Chandler is nothing if not a craftsman of metaphor and analogy. One of my favorites from The Little Sister:

At 3 a.m. I was walking the floor and listening to Katchaturian working in a tractor factory. He called it a violin concerto. I called it a loose fan belt and the hell with it.

Finally, if I do know you and you like movies, please join me on my more recent quest to watch every movie based on/written by Raymond Chandler. Unfortunately, about half of them are not on Netflix, so this might be a challenge.

Disservice

To whom it may concern,

If I call/email/chat with you for any of the following reasons:

• my computer suddenly loses all sound
• you charged me for wireless internet with included router but did not send me a modem/wireless router
• you don't tell me that the price of the service is actually the price after a mail-in rebate, which won't be applied until four to six weeks after you received the filled out rebate, which I won't even receive until over a month after service begins
  

Please do not thank me after every step of your mind-numbingly repetitive process. Please do not call me Ms. Laura. If you deleted both of these horrible things from your script, we could solve problems much more efficiently. Seriously, all of the following were stated just for "Bert" to tell me that I need to reinstall the audio driver for some reason which he does not know.

Bert : Thank you for confirming.
Bert : Thank you for the information.
Bert: Thank you for the information.
Bert : Thank you for your efforts inchecking all the information.
Bert : Thank you for the information.
Bert : Thank you for the information.
Bert: Thank you for confirming.
Bert: Thank you.
Bert: Thank you for your time and patience.

And now, to especially you, Verizon, please do not tell me you can not give me my money back (for your, of course, incorrect charges) because you have not yet generated the bill when I have the bill in my hands. And when I tell you I have the bill in my hands, don't just ignore that and move on like there is no such bill.

Also, Micaela, please learn how to speak English. "Just to confirm, is the music files are same on external hard drive earlier also?" Huh?

Best,
Laura

Happy Anniversary Canter's!

Um, so, I ate beef yesterday. Weird. But, seriously, at least it was super incredibly delicious, oh man. And, even better, this is what 60 cents bought me: an entire (2 halves) corn beef sandwich, a pickle (a little too bitter, not sour), a "taste" of potato salad (I don't like potato salad, so I gave it to a friend who actually ended up with three such tastes), and a rugulach! SO good. SIXTY CENTS. ridiculous. I feel like Huell Howser should have been there for this moment.

The most important thing one can take away from the film Marc Jacobs & Louis Vuitton

Make sure your workspace has hardwood floors and you sit in a chair that has wheels. Do not ever get up. Do not ever give up.

Too many "In Memoriam, Intial Initial Initial"s lately

Dear Paul Newman,

I always liked you better than Robert Redford. You were incredibly dashing. Plus, your Italian salad dressing is delicious.

Adoringly,
Laura

My wisdom was extracted on Tuesday.

Consequently, I've been bleeding and reading--and not eating. Plus, watching a lot of movies. A few notes:

• I finally finished alphabetizing all the 'rock-pop-soul' CDs at my internship. The Hives' Black and White Album really has fantastic album art. The font is spectacular. Looks like a great old movie. Unfortunately, I can't find a picture of the back where this great font is. So you'll just have to believe me.
• Also at my internship, I've been doing a bit of golf cart driving which is, I gotta say, quite fun. The silly thing about the lot, though, is that the limit lines for stopping are about three feet behind the intersections, and, thus, you can't actually see anything when you stop there. It is all very silly.
• I also interviewed James Franco again last week. I'll play it on my show as soon as I finish healing. Stay tuned!
• I watched Hitchcock's last movie, Family Plot, today. Didn't like it too much, unfortunately. There are two interesting likenesses though.
  
• 1. The villain looks remarkably like Zev Yaroslavsky!
• Bruce Dern in this film reminds me of Will Farrell. But kinda only in this movie. Weird.

In Memoriam J.A.W.

Dear Jack A. Weil,

For you, I resurrect my letter writing. For you, I spent 85 dollars on a shirt. For you, I made my friend drive twenty minutes out of the way so I could spend those 85 dollars on that shirt. I am glad I did. And I still regret that we didn't stop by earlier in the day so I could meet you. I don't have a picture of you, either, but trusty Charles Phoenix does and a mighty good one, too! You are great. I mean, come on, you invented the western pearl snap button shirt!!! You, and not that hideous Lee Greenwood song my mom loves so much, make me proud to be an American.

Laura

P.S. Your initials are JAW!

Start them arms a-flappin'!

Please join me in reviving the Funky Chicken. Do the Funky Chicken now!



Here's another video for your viewing pleasure of Rufus Thomas is all his pink glory at Wattstax!

Just for a while, just for a while.

I watched another movie you can't get (or rate) on Netflix last night: Marlowe, you can't even get it on DVD! As you may have noticed, I am currently reading and watching everything I can get involving Raymond Chandler's Philip Marlowe private investigator character. This movie is an adaptation of Chandler's The Little Sister. While I would only give this movie 3.5 stars out of 5, if this movie was on Netflix, I would start two new lists in addition to the one I created last week about movies that have parts that take place in the Hollywood Bowl. Marlowe's office is in the beautiful downtown Bradbury Building and another scene takes place in Union Station. There also quite a few noteworthy small roles in this movie--Caroll O'Connor as Lt. Christy French and Bruce Lee and killer(killee?) Winslow Wong.

Edouard Edvard Edward Eddie Ed

I have written about this man, one of my professors last year, previously on this blog. Now you have some absurdity/genius to match with the name. In this clip, Soja is almost like a super-intense-in-a-completely-different-way Huell Howser!

nonpareil

So, it is always sad when I can't rate movies on Netflix. One movie that I watched in 2006 comes to mind, in particular. Raffles, with the nonpareil David Niven. It is so great. You should watch it today. That is the end of this post.

-fin-

floccinaucinihilipilification

My feelings exactly.

Mr. Hutchinson nicely described my silly useless internship today, a way I will never actually use.

Facilitated the transition to a digital system, specializing in the reduction of a dependence on physical capital for longevity, preservation, and efficiency gains.

I am just going to try and avoid being asked what I did--upload CDs for 8 hours a day twice a week for an entire summer.

On a side note, it is SUPER air-conditioned in these offices. And now, of course, another semi-relevant Chandler (not really, see previous post) quotation:

"It felt good after the hard desert heat, but it felt artificial too, like the soothing touch of an embalmer."

Being that I have a lot of free time on my hands...

• I became a petanque tournament champion whilst playing against a man named Fabian. Don't ask me to repeat that triumph. Do buy me some boules, please, so I can practice.
• I got quite sunburned. Boo.
• Been talked to mindlessly about economics of some sort, which ended with: "when we get back groovin, we'll be groovin'." I still have no idea what he was talking about.
• Finished another Raymond Chandler book -- look at the way that list is growing on the right and be proud of me!
• Turned 21, did some drinking, and, of course, found a Chandler quotation for the occasion: "I swished a little more of his Scotch around in my mouth. If I was going to drink it I might as well try to prevent cavities while I was at it. " (Although I didn't actually drink any Scotch and Chandler didn't actually write that quote. Robert B. Parker did, after Chandler died).
• Watched a lot of movies I couldn't rate on Netflix, which was disappointing, especially because the movies were not. A couple examples: Come Live With Me and It Happened in Flatbush. One pretty great Jimmy Stewart movie and one not so great but nevertheless enjoyable movie about baseball. I quite like baseball movies.
• Oh, I also saw Fabio whilst I was driving. That was silly.
  

Dear Old 97's,

Your music video for "Dance With Me" is horrible. This makes me sad.

Laura

I am slow at getting drug references.

L-R, T-B:
1) Robyn Hitchcock and the Egyptians: Heaven
2) Rod Stewart: Sing It Again, Rod
3) The Rolling Stones: Big Hits (High Tide and Green Grass)
4) Piano Rags by Scott Joplin
5) Piano Rags by Scott Joplin volume 2
6) Sean Lennon: Friendly Fire

1) As already explained in one post or another, I like to patronize little record stores. This predilection is unfortunate when there really is nothing worth buying in a store. Well, not necessarily nothing worth buying but nothing worth buying at the store's prices. This store on the corner of a block of Melrose (I can't remember what it was called) had some okay records, mostly overpriced. This is just an EP or single; I can't really decide. I really do like Robyn Hitchcock, but the songs on this aren't too great. Overall, this purchase is regrettable. I shouldn't buy records if I'm not going to like them. heh. Maybe I'll get into this one day and be really happy I ended up buying it. Hopefully.

2) I've gotten into quite a few arguments with people over this record. I think it is a piece of masterful music. Others don't quite agree with me. First, however, you can't argue about the album art. The picture obscures the fact that this record is not rectangular -- wow! hehe. It is die-cut to look like a whiskey shot glass and depicts Rod's smiling face looking through it. And when you pull out the record, the inner sleeve has his face. It's just so great. I don't remember where I got this, possibly Rhino but also possibly MAMSROC. It has many gems, but the highlights for me are 1) his Street Fighting Man cover and 2)Reason to Believe. The only song on it that I could do without is his Pinball Wizard version. I also own this album on cd (found it for five dollars in Colorado last winter!).

3) This is one of my dad's old records. A 1966 collection.

4) & 5) Both are from Rhino. Both are solid. Who doesn't like Scott Joplin? These feel particularly American. Is ragtime particular American? I don't know.

6) I got this record when I interned at Capitol Records in the fall of 2006. I like the album art better than the music, but the music ain't bad, either.

Can socialism be built in the desert?

yes, but it is not advisable. after a while there will be a shortage of sand! The above and following jokes come from this very interesting documentary, Hammer & Tickle, about humor in the Soviet Union. This title is spectacular, or unfuckwithable, as one might say. One problem: it's not on Netflix and I can't rate it. It's truly sad when I can't give it that closing stamp that is a Netflix rating. And now for some more jokes:

Ladies and gentleman, we are about to enter the Soviet Union. Please sit down, fasten your seat belts, put your trays up, and wind your watches back ten years.

East German toilet paper is always two-ply because we have send a copy of everything we do to Moscow.

On a side note, LAist used another one of my photos--this time uncredited. :-/
Additionally, LA Weekly has an interesting article about the way billboards are getting by as "mural signs."